


Changing Times

by iloveyoumiss



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/F, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 01:46:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13066572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveyoumiss/pseuds/iloveyoumiss
Summary: Five times in the past (and one in the present) that the relationship between Amilyn Holdo and Leia Organa changes





	Changing Times

**Author's Note:**

> Just to let you know, I haven't read any Star Wars novels and have only seen TLJ once, but the final scene with these two left me with a burning desire to see more between these two - even if that means writing some myself. So I'm just going on what I remember from the movie and the few things I've seen online about the books. Oh well. 
> 
> It's also been a long time since I've written any fic so please forgive any rustiness in my writing that you come across.

_One._

Leia found Amilyn Holdo odd. There was something she couldn't put her finger on that drew her to the other woman. But at the same time she found her difficult to be around. 

The only word she had for it was odd.

She wasn't bad or good. Just odd. 

The green hair, the sparkling blue eyes, and the way she seemed to argue just for the sake of it, twisting the words and logic of the others around and around until they got lost in their own argument, a small smirk on her face when her opposition inevitably contradicted their original point. 

Leia never could figure out where Holdo would sit on an issue, except it was almost always the opposite of what the most obnoxious man in their group's opinion was. 

Sometimes Leia would find Holdo watching her carefully as she spoke, as though Leia was the most interesting person in the room. Leia didn't know if she liked that or not. 

So yes, Leia found Amilyn Holdo to be extremely odd, but she couldn't deny that she was drawn to the taller woman in a way that she absolutely could not explain.

_Two._

At a party held by someone, Leia never could remember who, she found herself sitting on the ground, legs tangled with Amilyn Holdo's as they spoke, Holdo's head and now orange hair resting lightly on her own. 

Leia hadn't intended to go to the party, but at the last minute had decided that many of these people were future leaders like herself and it made sense to build networks with them. So she had tagged along with some of the people she was friendly with, even though she wouldn't call them friends. 

It was a party where everyone was supposed to bring some kind of food or drink from their home and Leia had ended up consuming a large amount of a bright orange drink, from some random planet, and found her inhibitions lowered a lot more than she would have expected. She supposed that's why she was prepared to sit so close and intimately with Holdo. 

"Why do you argue so much?" Leia asked, her courage increased by whatever she had been drinking. 

Amilyn smirked though Leia could not see it from where she sat, "I don't like men who assume they are right all the time, I don't like arrogance, and I don't like people blindly repeating what others have said, so I like to show them how wrong they are" she explained with a wry chuckle. 

"Oftentimes I agree with them, but I don't like how pompous many of the young men are".

Leia smiled and rested her hand lightly on top of the much taller girl's. "I like when you manage to get them to contradict themselves" 

Amilyn chuckled again, "that's one of my favourite things to do, see how many times I can get someone to contradict something they said earlier, that and watch them get more and more frustrated while I stay calm" she said, a wicked twinkle in her eye.

Leia turned her head so that she could look at the other girl's face and smiled. She liked this girl. 

_Three._

Leia and Amilyn had become good friends, spending much of their free time together, always talking and debating, Holdo taking great pleasure in riling Leia up about issues only to later point out that she agree with her completely. Very few of the girls contemporaries bothered them, each standoffish in their own way, and difficult for the others to understand. Despite this, many men tried to place themselves as important factors in Leia's life. The most obnoxious of these was also the one who frustrated Amilyn in their sessions the most. 

"How do you put up with him following you around?" She asked Leia one day. The boy had tried to persuade Leia to discuss politics of some kind with him over coffee but she had simply looked at him, raised and eyebrow, and then walked away. Not her most mature response, she would admit, but he just didn't seem to take the hint. 

Leia shrugged lightly, "I'm not interested, and it keeps him from harassing some poor other girl then I'm okay with that. Why?" A look of horror took over Leia's face as an idea came to her "you don't like him do you? You know, opposites attract and all that?" 

Amilyn threw her head back and laughed wildly, tears pooling in the corner of her eyes, and strands of her blue hair escaping the pins she had used to pull it back. It was the most demonstrative and emotional response Leia had ever seen from her. 

"No, I much prefer a pair of pretty dark eyes" Amilyn said, her own eyes carefully tracing Leia's face. 

A nervous look had frozen on Leia's face as she desperately glanced around, avoiding looking into Amilyn's gaze. So Amilyn made a joke, "or more than a pair if you're into Grans, or Aqualish, or Talz. Or even..." she trailed off.

"That's all right" Leia responded with her own laughter "it's just humanoid males for me".

"Really? That feels so limiting" Amilyn responded, this time catching Leia's wrist lightly and keeping eye contact between them. 

"Thank goodness it's a big galaxy" Leia said, eyes still carefully focused on Amilyn's. 

"Yes indeed" Amilyn responded, her thumb lightly tracing patterns on Leia's wrist. 

They slept together for the first time two days later. 

_Four._

Leia loved Amilyn Holdo with the entirety of her being. She liked how calm Amilyn appeared to the rest of the world, but the way she would open up when she was in Leia's arms. Leia liked that she smiled differently when Leia had said something that she found interesting. Leia even loved the little head tilt Amilyn did whenever she was about to say something she knew Leia wouldn't like. She loved it until Amilyn said the one thing she never thought she would. 

"We have to stop." 

Amilyn's head was tilted just a little but Leia could see it anyway. 

Leia who had been mid-rant stopped abruptly and stared at Amilyn, her eyes narrowing, ready for a fight. 

"Stop what, Ami?" She asked, a vicious warning in her voice. 

Amilyn sighed and rested her hand lightly on Leia's wrist. "Dearest, I love you, but we have both known this wouldn't last. You have to go and lead, you have to fight, and you have to do it all with a clear head. I don't believe you can do that while worrying and thinking about me. You need to be free to be who you are, and I won't get in the way of that."

"Amilyn, we can make this work, you can't just make decisions like this without talking to me!" Leia snapped, her voice rising and she fought to keep herself from getting more upset. 

"You're a princess, I've always known that. You have to go and be bound only by the duty to your planet. To think that there's space for me in that world is flawed, and you would know that too if you weren't so emotional". 

"Emotional? You talking about leaving me after a year and you're blaming me for being emotional?" Though Leia would never admit it, tears sat in the corner of her eyes which she fought desperately to keep there. 

"I'll see you again one day Leia, and perhaps we can discuss our possibilities then, but there is so much you have to do for your father, your planet, and yourself before you can be with me again. I'm sorry, dear one, but this is the right thing to do." 

"I'm not going to forgive you for this" Leia snapped, her sadness forgotten for a moment. Amilyn smiled sadly and carefully stood, her long limbs graceful in a way Leia had never been able to understand. She leant down and lightly kissed Leia's forehead.

"Darling, you will forgive me because one day you will understand. Right now you are hurting and that's okay. There is a future for us, I know there is, but you have so much to do in the universe before that can happen" Amilyn explained gently. 

With a gentle wave of a few of her fingers she turned and walked away, the sunlight catching her pink hair and lighting it, and Amilyn, seemingly from within. Leia stared after her, unable to believe the conversation that had just occurred. Unable to believe that Amilyn was no longer hers. 

_Five._

They had come across each other in The Rebellion, the two of them on the same side again. Amilyn respecting whatever space that Leia created between them. Each time Leia had to interact with the taller woman she found her heart aching, and so she did her best to avoid Vice Admiral Holdo. 

But Leia lost Han, and she lost Ben and then Luke and she found herself so lonely that she knew that if Amilyn approached her she wouldn't turn her away. 

A few weeks after Luke had disappeared she felt Amilyn outside of her quarters, and was surprised to feel the nervousness rolling from the other woman's body, though she knew that it would likely not be visible to the naked eye. 

Leia waved her hand, opening the door and called just loud enough that Amilyn would hear "you can come in Amilyn". 

The taller woman entered and smiled softly when she saw Leia, "hello, darling" she said, moving to sit next to Leia on the couch. 

"It's a long time since you've called me that" Leia said softly. 

"It's a long time since you've called me by my first name" Amilyn said with the smallest of shrugs, "I heard that Luke left, and on top of everything else that has happened for you I thought you could use a friend" Amilyn explained, her thumb already tracing patterns across Leia's wrist in a way that brought hundreds of memories straight to the forefront of Leia's mind. 

"Thank you, I'm okay though" Leia offered quietly. 

"No, dear one, you're not. That's okay. You're allowed to hurt, even though you're a princess and a General, you're allowed to be in pain." 

Instead of fond memories Leia found herself back when Amilyn had left her "oh, and you're the one to tell me what I can and can't feel" she snarled, "that's a surprise" her sarcasm breaching the tentative peace between them. 

"That was over 30 years ago Leia and I'm sorry I hurt you, but I stand by the fact it was the right decision. It was the hardest thing I ever did but it was the right thing". 

The tension in Leia's body almost immediately drained away. "It was hard for you?" The hesitancy in her voice reminding Amilyn of the few times she had ever seen Leia nervous when they were younger. 

This time Amilyn's brief laugh was bitter, her hand running through her currently bright yellow hair. "Leia, I fell in love with you when we sat together at that party where we first became friends, and I have loved you ever since. Sending you away was the worst experience of my life but I had to do the right thing for you, I knew that you were going to have to make the choice in the near future anyway, and I knew you would end up hating youRself no matter what you chose".

"So you made the choice for me" Leia supplied. 

"Yes, dear one, and I'm sorry. There have been many times I wish I could have handled it better but I..." Leia interrupted Amilyn with a soft kiss to her lips. 

"Okay"

Amilyn stared at Leia before leaning forward and pressing her own lips against the smaller woman's. It was not long before Leia had altered their positions so that Amilyn lay beneath her on the couch, their hand and mouths exploring terrain that was different and yet had barely changed in 30 years. 

"Don't ever make a decision to leave me without talking it through with me, do you understand?" Leia pressed, determined to make sure that Amilyn would not repeat what had happened before. 

"I will do my best, darling" Amilyn responded, before pulling Leia back down on top of her. 

_Six._

Leia knows that Amilyn is going to stay behind on the ship, she knows that it was one of the contingency plans they had worked out. She had argued and argued but Amilyn had insisted that it might come to this, and that she would not let anyone else remain, because there was only one person higher than her on the chain of command, and The Rebellion needed Leia alive far more than it needed Amilyn. 

Once she wakes up and hears what had happened between Poe and Amilyn, and the First Order, she knows that Amilyn will stay behind but for probably only the second time in her life she chooses denial and doesn't think about it, even as she helps ready the ships. 

Despite knowing what the end result will be, she argues with Amilyn, practically begs her in front of others to come aboard and leave with them. But Amilyn, ever dedicated to doing what she considers 'right' for Leia, refuses because the only way Leia and the rest of the Rebellion can escape is if Amilyn remains behind and they both know that. 

Leia tries anyway, reminds her of the losses and pleads with her eyes as well, a message that only the two of them understand. 

_I have lost you before I can't lose you again._

Amilyn nods, and tilts her head slightly, the lilac hair brushing gently across her shoulders, and Leia knows it's all over. She knows that Amilyn won't come with her and this is the last time she will see this woman. So she wishes her well with the Force and turns away, her heart breaking as she barks orders to those around her. She flies away from one of the few people on her life she has truly loved, and wonders if she can make it without her.


End file.
